Monday, August 18, 2008

I NEED A NEW PRAYER

Last week was a poor week for Bulletholes. I managed to offend just about everyone I talked to. I have a friend that likes to tell lies and another that likes to tell me what to do.
I have as sister with a degree in child Psychology and she stays on my case.
I practically told them all to go to hell.

Then there is Lana-nana-bofana.
She is my friend and she will even dance with me.
She sent me an E-mail asking for prayer and added that she was sending it to me because most people she knows that say they pray….don’t!
I responded that I was the exact opposite of them in a bit of a twisted way…
“I say I DON’T pray, but sometimes I do, so in your case I’ll say a prayer”…
This is pretty much the truth, and probably a sweet thing to say but I had to ruin it with an example of one of my favorite prayers. I never heard back from her, and given the nature of the Prayer I shared with her, I have probably offended her as well.

It was with this in mind that I went to Razzoos for an Oyster Sandwich Friday. An Oyster Sandwich and about 4 Beers. I get more POP out of two beers than anyone you know, so by the time I left there I knew everybody in the place and was having my own personal Mardi Gras.

Then Sunday morning I woke up and went to Sunday School and Church.
In the foyer they have a little Coffee House called Java Junction and it was there that I ran into the Preacherman. He was thrilled to see me.
“How long has it been Steve?” he asked.
‘About two years Good Doctor, give or take….of course I cooked Breakfast for the Full Gospels last May”
“Right” he says “Your Grits are to die for. So to what do we owe todays visit?”
Well” says I ” I think have offended quite a number of people this week including one in particular over a prayer I shared with her”
“Well” says he “Let me hear this prayer”

“It is a prayer before supper given by James Stewart in the movie “Shenandoah” set during the Civil War “
I explain
“and it goes like this:"

"Lord, we cleared this land. We plowed it, sowed it, and harvested it. We cooked the harvest. It wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be eating it if we hadn't done it all ourselves. We worked dog-bone hard for every crumb and morsel, but we thank you Lord just the same for the food we're about to eat, amen."

I looked at the Preacherman, pleased with myself that I was able to recite this prayer so well and asked
“Isn’t that a great prayer?”
He didn’t even blink; then gave me a soft but unsympathetic smile…
“No, not really Steve”

"Well, I reckon thats why I am here, Doctor!"

9 comments:

Barbara said...

I could tell the going was getting tough last week. Let's hope this is a better one! If not, find a better prayer... That one might just not work.

Minx said...

Dear God, please let Steve be less of a prat next week.

Hope that helps.

GrizzBabe said...

That prayer made me chuckle! I bet it makes God chuckle too.

Anonymous said...

HAAAAAA .........

this reminds me of the Baby Jesus Prayer Ricky Bobby prayed over dinner (thank you for these domino's, kfc and the always delicious Taco Bell ...) in the movie
Talladega Nights, always a favorite in our house!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKDC2iBQTYg

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

Found your blog through Minx.
Great story. Your friends will come around, if they get your style! The prayer is just a little more honest then the holier than thou type. But good luck on your new prayer. :)) Petra

bulletholes said...

Petra, my friends can't help being what they are any more than I can help being me.

Barb, it was a tough week.
Minx, you helped me with that prayer.
Griz! Do Jesus! its the chucks that get us through, doncha think?

Anon...i saw the first 3.5 minutes of "Talladega " before I jabbed a pencil into each eye and threw myself off the Balcony. will Farrel just pisses me off.

leslie said...

I admire you, Bulletholes. You are a brave man in the face of humorlessness!

And did Stewart say "dog bone hard", or something else?

I think it's a dandy prayer by the way.

bulletholes said...

"Dog-Bone hard" IT WAS, BUT WE KNOW WHAT HE MEANT....i HIGHLIGHTED IT BECAUSE...(oops) because I like it and say it a lot.
Like when i drop the casserole and say "Dropped the Dog Bone Casserole"
Or when I'm in traffic and theres a Dog Bone Idiot in front of me...
or when i ask my son when are ou going to get a Dog bone job...
you get the picture.

leslie said...

That is toooo funny.
Let us pray...