Wednesday, August 27, 2008



The Emperor is gone.
So is the Red Baron.

In February, the federal 5th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Texas' statute banning sex toys unconstitutional, and in May an attorney for some kind of Triple X Megastore requested the return of "goods" confiscated in a "raid" in 2005.
But it was not going to be that easy.
The Houston Police Department managed to lose $50,000 worth of "Sex Toys" over the period of three years.

50,000 Big Ones!

The discovery came to light when a lawyer for the adult-entertainment shop sought to reclaim the 564 items that the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals recently declared legal to sell.
After initially telling the attorney the sex toys would be returned, Houston police then said they were destroyed.

"They said no problem, you can send somebody by to pick them up, and then we get another call and it's 'Whoops, we don't have them,' " the Attorney said.
The police told him they were destroyed, but he doubts that explanation.
"There is apparently no court order authorizing destruction of the property or any record of what happened to the property," he said.
A consultant for adult businesses, said sex toys were too "tantalizing" (no shit) for police to destroy.
"I think the cops stole them," he said. "to give to their lovers and stuff."

I've stolen tools, pens, pills, lighters, and even a couple dirty magazines...
And I've misplaced Pot, car keys, sunglasses, clothing, CD's and I even lost a boat one time...

But I don't think I've ever purloined a Dildo.
And I've never, ever lost track of a Vibrator.


Dave Mows Grass said...

Did you ever see Fight Club? I enjoyed the dialog with the airport security agent about bags being searched due to dildos that accidentally switched themselves on. Something like:

We have to use the indefinite article 'a' whenever we find a dildo. "We found 'a' dildo in your bag, ma'am." Not, "We found 'your' dildo in your bag."

It went something like that.

bulletholes said...

Yeah, I hate it when that happens.

Steve said...


bulletholes said...

Yeah, Steve, I thought it was funny...
Now that its Constitutional, we will be seeing Dildo Depot's everywhere.

Mother of Invention said...

Ha! And they've probably left them scattered at a million donut shops!!

bulletholes said...

Yeah, Mom, all you have to do is follow the trail of the Cocaine.

leslie said...

The Purloined Dildo.

That title has sooooo many possibilites...