Friday, March 25, 2011

THE 10th STEP

"We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."
 For 30 days in a row I am supposed to fill out this whole long list of 31 questions designed to make me reflect on my day and illuminate the positive and negative things in my life. I have to tell you the truth- after five days I have just about had it with these questions. I really don't have that much going on in my life.

There are days I just go to work, and go home, and watch Antiques Roadshow and fix a little supper and turn on "Saving Private Ryan" and fall asleep before they let that Nazi bastard go at the Radio Tower, and then I wake up and call my friend Susan, and frankly I haven't had enough interaction with people to have harmed anybody or been wrong about any thing important. So I thought I'd share what I wrote last night as answers to some of the 31 questions I have to answer for the next 25 days.

The first two: Am I clean today? Yes How have I acted differently? I don’t know
Now the previous four days, I answered the shit out of those questions, I just about wrote a book,  but I'm running out of material here.
 Then:
Was today a good day? yes
Was I happy? yes
 Was I serene? Yeah, except for having to fill out this dipshit list
Because I really had nothing to report, ya know?

Moving right along to #18:
 Did I worry about yesterday or tomorrow? No, I didn’t! I forgot to worry! But I’m about to start dreading filling this shit out tomorrow.

Which segued real nice to this:
Did I allow myself to become obsessed by anything today? Damn right. The 10th Step. I’m ate up with it. They should let me rewrite these fucking questions. I'm starting to suspect that deep inside I'm a real grouch.
But maybe the most telling were towards the bottom of the whole long list:
Have I done anything to cause harm to myself or to another today? Not yet.
If so, what? I might eat this list.
Am I willing to change today? If I have to.
Did I pray or meditate today? Yes
How did this affect my life? Maybe not as much as one would like to think

So there you have it, Day Five of my 10th Step.

6 comments:

Kim said...

Your sponsor is a nazi

bulletholes said...

Yes, I intend to have a word with my sponsor.

AnitaNH said...

I would like to know all 31 if you wouldn't mind sharing them. I quit some years ago on my own but lately I feel overwhelmed by the negative and I think reflecting on your list might help.

bulletholes said...

Nita, I embedded a link for you in the second sentence where it says "31 Questions". And I'll post some of my more open-minded and willing answrs this week.

bulletholes said...

Oh, and good for you!

AnitaNH said...

Thank you and thank you! It was the only logical thing to do at the time as drinking made the physical effects of menopause (nature's early warning system in many ways) so much worse for me!

Love today's photo and quote.