Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I have two pick up lines, Mike. One of them is a bit of a panacea and can be used numerous times throughout a relationship, including as an introduction. They work in all sorts of situations, whether she is upset and crying or happy and laughing or sitting by the fire in a romantic mood.
The first is:
"You look like you could use some chocolate baby"The second one is more direct, yet indirect at the same time, which is a beautiful thing. Lets say she's sitting there, looking good, and you say "excuse me" and go to the restroom or to get a couple beers from the fridge. When you come back, and she is still sitting there, probably dangling one of her shoes off her toe (which they say is a good sign, a very good sign) all you have to do is say:
"You are going to have to excuse me just one more time"
and that's when you jump her.
And even if on the off-chance she doesn't go for it, she can't accuse you of having no manners.
Or passion.
And women they like passion, even more than chocolate.

But I have to tell you Mike, dating is a pain in the butt, and girls are as finicky a critter as you will ever come across. I seem to have a lot of girlfriends, and they all show up at the same place at one time, and really they are just friends and the best kind too, but every now and then one will say to me:
"So-and-so asked me if you and I are dating. What should I tell them?"
And I've found after many years of this thing the best answer:
"You just tell 'em Steve dont date. Wanna go get some Chocolate?"


Anonymous said...

Steve, as allways you brighten up my day. "and that's when you jump her" was great. I've been thinking (read: worrying sick, literally) a lot about me in relation to the world (read: women) and the findings were not rosecoloured (read: ... ) so your lightheartedness is appreciated to the fullest. Your dating advice for UF Mike will be scooped up and perhaps tried by myself. You really are a doctor! Thanks,


SL said...

Mr. Bullet Holes,

Your advice on dating is very interesting. Saying excuse me before you "jump her" will most certainly win her heart....or at least keep her from pressing charges!