"IF YOU FULL O' PIE, DON'T EVEN TRY"

Wherever they got gambling you know they gonna have everything. I trekked from Witchita Falls Texas down to Nuevio Laredo, and while they didn't have gambling they had Black Cat Bone with Meringue and lots of everything else, they had everything else every where, a boy couldn't cross the street down there with out gettin' clapped with a Cream Pie, don't mind if I do. I was talking to my friend Susan, and she say they got gamblin' all the way from Biloxi to Bay St. Louie, I don't doubt it for a minute and if they got all that then they got Pie, all kinds, just like in Vegas, where not everything stays in Vegas, I know a couple fellas brought some serious crust back from Vegas; but Vegas got nuthin' you can't get at Bay St. Louie, or Shreveport even, and that goes double for Biloxi where the Buttermilk Pie ain't a gamble, its a sure thing and you can get her still warm from the oven. Italian Cream in Atalntic City, Strawberry-Rhubarb at Mackinaw Island, even Apple-Brown Betty in Amish Country, be sure to tell Betty it was I that sent ya. But I went the damn wrong way outta Witchita Falls...shoulda just headed north into Choctaw Bingo country. They got Oklahoma Jane , comes from the land of Bois d'Arc tree, Scotch-Irish and Cherokee, serves up Sooner Moon Pies and whoops it up, and she dances too, dances like you wouldn't believe just take her by the hand one little dance couldn't hurt a thing.The only thing you can't find anywhere anymore is a Pay Phone and a News Stand. They turned the News Stands into Triple A Escort Kiosks and you get Disposable Phones-by-the-Minute like you buying a soda from a machine at the car wash across from Whiskey Flats and there more snatch on that stretch than you can throw a Chicken Ranch at.