Friday, March 04, 2011


"I'd like a Footlong BLT on Wheat, please. No cheese"
"Toasted?" the clerk asked.
After the sandwich came out of the toaster she asked:
'What else would you like on your sandwich?"
"I'd like a lot of Lettuce and Tomato"
She piled on a generous amount of Lettuce and topped it with four slices of Tomato.
"Um, could I please have more tomato on my BLT?"
"That's all I can give you"
"You're kidding?"
"You know that the "T" stands for tomato, right? I was looking forward to Tomato on my BLT"
"That's all I can give you."
"Because the price of tomatoes has gone up"
I can smell the Bacon and Oh Lawdy-Lord I want that BLT bad. Bad enough I'm starting to feel a little agitated.
"I tell you what ma'am, I'll give you an extra dollar for more Tomato."
But her assistant, a young clean cut looking fellow comes to her aid.
"We can't give you more tomato. That's how much we are supposed to put on a sandwich and we can't give you any more"
My serenity at this point is seriously challenged, but I keep my cool and try another approach, albeit with an edge to my voice:
"I tell you what, we are going to have to be smarter than the sandwich....Let me explain what I WILL NOT be having on my sandwich. I will not be having (TICKING EACH ITEM OFF ON MY FINGERS) Olives, Pickles or Cucumbers. I will not be having any Onion, Bell Pepper, Jalapeno or Italian Pepperocini's. I don't want Spinach or Parmesan Cheese, and in exchange for all these items to which I am otherwise entitled I would like to trade them all for four (HOLDING UP FOUR FINGERS ON ONE HAND)more slices of tomato. Because I like Tomato on my Bacon Lettuce and Tomato sandwich."
They each looked at each other and then back to me. The girl shrugged and said 'We can't do it."
I couldn't believe it! I'd tried everything! I was at the end of my rope...
"I tell you what...I'm going to have to go ahead and be a jerk this one time. You guys can eat that sandwich yourself"
...and I walked out.

I think they must have been Republicans.


soubriquet said...

Herein england tomatoes are plentiful.

soubriquet said...

But we pronounce them differently.

Kim said...

not being a tomato fancier myself, I will bequeath all of mine to you. And you can have my bacon, too.
But seriously, what place is this so I can boycott it? how stupid not to give you what you want 'cuz you are probably a sandwich-eatin guy and they lost your business.
You ought to send your blog to the manager so that he can re-educate his pitiful staff.

bulletholes said...

Hey Souby! How can Tomato's be so plentiful there? Actually, right next door to the sandwich shop there is a hamburger joint, and tomatos are plentiful there. The Tomato crisis seems to be very localized.
Hi kim! What I want to do is go back in there everyday, and take friends with me too and replay this little scenario over and over with them till they get it.

Anonymous said...

Not that I can watch that depressing film again, but the first time I saw Falling Down, I loved it to bits. The guy who just won't put up with it anymore... can't we all relate to that? I think we can. The best was when he couldn't get his breakfast at 11:03 because "I'm sorry, Sir, but we stop serving breakfast at 11..."

I'm not suggesting you should 'pack heat' when going for a sandwich, but... or maybe I am.

Like Cato the Elder who kept nagging that Carthage should be destroyed, I say it again: come back blogging full time! Greetings!


bulletholes said...

Martijn, it seems like the only place I can blog is in the comments section over at Mikes.
i bring some of my comments over to here, but for some reason it seems cheesy to me to repost a comment. And if I pass on the comment there and try to write it here, it just doesn't work.
I need a place to sing to the choir, and Mikes seems to be it.