Monday, October 20, 2008

PRIME-TIME

STEALIN' WHEN I SHOULDA BEEN BUYIN'

Well, I be back from vacation!
What did I do?
I had at least one Bulletholes night....anyone that's been around might be able to guess what that might be like, and they'd probably be right.

All my stories just end up with a leak somewhere, like an old boat I used to have.
Anyway, I was waiting for Lymber to pick me up, I had a double date with her and Jo-Mama and as I waited for her to show I decided to work the corner for a bit.
It was dark but for the streetlight at my corner. To stand under it puts you"Center Stage" so to speak, and Centerstage I was.
As cars began to pass by me I would stick my leg out into the road and hitch my pant leg up a bit, a gesture Universal in its appeal, giving a shake to further advertize my product.
I gotta tell you, I do have nice legs.

I hadn't thought it all he way out but I was grinning to myself as to how it was going to make Lymber laugh when she saw me. She needed to hurry up before I got in trouble.
In the meantime I amused myself "Soliciting" on the corner. I guess there were about 5 cars go by in 20 minutes.

I saw the headlights shift from Dim to Bright as I hitched my pant leg up, grinning like a fool, as a Yellow Mustang with Pink Racing Stripes passed me by. The windows were down and I could hear the girlish voices under the growl of their 5 Litre Shelby Engine.
It wasn't Lymber.

When they got about 20 feet past me, the driver hit her brakes and threw the car into reverse.
They had a personallized License plate that said
"HI HEELS"
I thought it might be my lucky night.

The passenger window was down and right in front of me as the Mustang stopped.
I dropped to one knee and looked inside.
There were two foxy babes, dressed up tight with big hoop earrings, big eyelashes, big hair, and big ol tits.

'Hello Ladies" I said in my most charming, deepest Sam Elliot voice and gave the driver a wink.
She couldn't have been older than 25.
The passenger looked at me with total disdain turned to the driver and said
"He IS NOT Hot!"
and the driver popped the clutch and smoked 'em outta there.

As I went and sat in the dimly lit recess outside my apartment door to quietly wait for Lymber, all I could think was
"They shoulda caught me in my prime"

Really, I'm probably just lucky no one stopped and beat me up.

9 comments:

Minx said...

I think I have just pissed my pants!

GrizzBabe said...

I would have picked you up!!

Barbara said...

You are too funny!

laughingattheslut said...

I ain't even showing my legs this year at the Halloween party.

GEWELS said...

Tossing my head back laughing at the sight of it all!!!!!!!!

Aw, I feel bad you sulked back into the dim lit recesses of your building. Two silly shallow slutty women have no right to make you do that!

Although, you're right- at least you didn't get beat up. I know how you Texans can be.

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

hahaha! A sharp wit to boot!

Anonymous said...

Holy sjlamola, what a great story! Oozing with oh fuck it mentality and freedom loving anarchy. You try to amuse the people and life slams its doors in your face, or in this case the tarts roll up treir window and burn rubber. Rejected by floozies... that's quite an experience! Don't let it get you down: you were very close! Next time you have to tart up a bit I think; at least go blond and carry a baseball bat or briefcase or whatever... (if I knew what women want I wouldn't be sitting here typing). Greets

Martijn

P.S. the ij in my name is the same thing as the y (or is this taking the magic off?)

leslie said...

Maybe you should have shaved your sportin' leg...

I now have the sound of "Hello Ladies" in my head.

Mother of Invention said...

Ah, what's the definition of HOT anyway? You've still got it even if we can't see your ribs! (I been lookin' for mine for awhile!)