Tuesday, January 20, 2009

OH,THANK GOD

Sometimes leaving a comment brings back a memory and a good story....this was a comment I left last week.
I had a paper route a long time ago.
There was a certain house that gave me a lot of trouble. Everytime I would try to throw the paper there, My arm would bang against the roof of my Van .

Hurt like hell, so I would have to roll the passenger window down and toss that way, but it always landed short. So i would have to get out of the Van and get the paper out of the gutter and throw it to the porch.

Anybody watching would see me go thru the same routine every night;
First, my hand would come out the drivers window and I'd stop myself because I didn't want to bang my arm.
Then I would roll the passenger window down and make a really lame toss that landed in the gutter.
Next I would get out and put the fucking paper on the porch.

Why I didn't just do that to begin with is a testament to my laziness.


I know this hasn't been the most exciting post you ever read, but It gets even more boring.


Sometimes, when I was really lazy, I'd go ahead on and make the toss out the drivers side window and every time I did that I'd scream in pain when My forearm slammed against the van.
It was impossible!


Then one night... Success at last!
I broke my arm, trying to make that toss!!!
Oh Thank God!
That was the end of that.
No more Paper Route!

Thanks Mike!

Also, I didn't realize when I posted this that it would be a perfect Dedication to Barbara, who fell and broke her hip yesterday. Go wish her well!

Update #2- I tell this story at NA Meetingfs sometimes. Its changed somewhat, because the reason I had the paper route in the first place was in hopes that I could use the money to buy more dope. It was insane, and by breaking my arm I found some relief from my addiction. For the addict it can take something that drastic to restore us to sanity.

11 comments:

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

What an ending and a way to break that arm. Hilarious though Bulletholes!

e said...

Your posts are far too funny to be boring, although I must say I'm sorry you broke your arm!

rainbowheart said...

Breaking an arm is painful but ending a paper route isn't. What hilarious posts. Thanks!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. Don't you DARE tell my boyfriend. Well, if it's not love it is at least a serious infatuation with your writing. I like that you are so real and I feel you let me inside your head. Also, I'm still laughing about pancakes.

Florida

Annie said...

So what was it about that one house that gave you so much trouble?

That is a dramatic way to quit a job though!

bulletholes said...

Waiter and "e"...I could not conceal my glee when I called and told the paper I couldn't throw anymore.

rainbow- A paper route is a horrible job. 7 nights a week, and up at 3am. Thanks for stopping by, I wish i could return the favor!

Its always cool when you get an Anonymous to comment...especially when they proclaim their love for you! If you ever get shed of that Boyfriend, let me know. And thanks for the comment!

Annie, thats a good question! I want you to know first that I will forver remember that Circus Marshmallow your mother arranged!
If I were a knitting man, i'd have added you to my Bloglist yeasterday, but theres still time...

That house was in a court, and set back at a peculiar angle from the curb. i treid several ways of pulling up to the curb and none of them gave me a shot. he best angle I had to try to heave it thru the passenger window, but it required perfect placement.
All I really had to do was step out of my door and make an easy toss, but NO!
The game was to stay in the car and to never stop rolling.
Thats all I can say about it.
It madea surprisingly funny story once I found the right perpective.

Success! Stop throwing the Paper!

MikeTheWaiterDotCom said...

let's not forget about barbara.... get well soon, girl.
mTw

Barbara said...

Awww Steve, is this one true? Thanks for your phone calls and for sending your fans my way.

Annie said...

If you liked that one, check out the art label on the sidebar. There are more.

dmarks said...

My brother had a paper route once. He won an award, and had a trophy of a paperboy given to him.

In short order, something happened to the gold statue with the upraised arm holding a paper:

The hand with the paper got busted off and lost.

I think this "paperboy with throwing hand busted off" trophy would have been good for you.

rainbowheart said...

I found you by way of WhattheCornbread Hell's blog sight....