Monday, January 05, 2009


Well, its been a helluva year!
I’ve traded black-eyes with my son, soothed my daughters psyche only to yell at her about fleas, reached the softest spot I can imagine with my Ex, gotten shed of a half dozen bad friends, gotten shed of 2 good friends, and picked up 3 new good friends and a huge support group.
I’ve been to jail and ICU for a night.
New Years Day found me 167 days clean and sober.
My doctor says he doesn't see many like me that get their Diabetes under control as quickly as I have.
'I'm impressed" he said.

I just keep writing in a way I never would have expected to write about things I never would have known to write about.
I sense that someday I might even have a message.

Funny, I found a line in the NA book I really liked….
“It may be the last freedom we claim in recovery is freedom from the Stigma of being an addict”
I don’t know…I’ve already claimed that one.
Maybe its because of my age, my 35 years of using; maybe something else…
So far it has been easy to stay Drug-Free, but I sense tougher days lie ahead.

This is the year, I have resolved, that I get really healthy.
I told my daughter:
"You have no idea how good your daddy looks at 210 pounds instead of 250. You better tell all your friends "Watch out for my Dad""

At any rate, I usually spend my time during good times wondering when the next disaster will come.
These are good times but I’m not doing that these days.
Its going to be a good year, clean, sober and healthy, come what may.
I hope it’s the same for you, and all our friends and family.

I have created a new label for posts about Drugs and Diabetes called HEALTH, if anyone wants to read all about it.


red dirt mule said...

I'm so very, very proud of you even though you a. went against my advice to post about it (wisely) b. i wasn't as supportive as i should have been c. i almost lost a great friend in you, but i hope i've recovered nicely (?)....
you sound great, cowboy.
better than great!

you've inspired me.
i've got my own 'confessional' essay written up - but i'm afraid to post it....
maybe i'm not as brave as you are.
you know i love you.
keep on 'keeping on'

much love,

Rick O'Shay said...

Of all the blogs I follow your is the most thought out. You reach into your soul and put your pain out there. Sometimes you hide a little behind clever wit but we see though it and I think you know that. You've had a hard life not just a hard year. I've had a hard year and will probly get harder. But I like your optimism and hope it will be contagious. I need it. And I think that's why you write.
Thanks for the words.

Barbara said...

HEALTH is the most precious gift we can ever get. Sometimes it takes not having it to realize that.

I'm so glad you are in a good space now with people who will encourage you to stay there.

Let's hope 2009 is a year of full recovery and personal growth for you and for all of us!

Barbara said...

P.S. I love you Steve!

soubriquet said...

Steve, I truly admire you for the way in which, over the last year you have brought humour to serious situations, and the bravery you have displayed in facing and conquering the challenges of the last year.
You set all of us a tough example to follow, can we.... can I? own up to my own failings? Can I take positive steps to change? Can I keep up the momentum? Can I bounce back from something that would have flattened many a man?
Maybe, Maybe.
But can I do all that and more whilst showing love and caring for the people around me, can I laugh at myself and all the things which assail me? I don't know.
But you've showed me it's possible.
If I had a medal in my posession, I'd award it to you.
Inspirational Blogger Number One, Mr Bulletholes.

Angela said...

Steve, I have not known you till you appeared at my blog. So all I know about you is what you wrote to me or in the posts you have written lately. And you already do sound like a good friend to me (so count me in, if you like). I cherish your humor and self-irony and the courage you have to share feelings (not so many men dare to do that...and it is good and helpful, isn`t it? So tell your mates!). Welcome in the new year with all those nice surprises waiting for you! And write me when you feel like it!

Minx said...

Being negative is easy and staying positive is very hard work sometimes but it can pay off in the end.
2009 is going to be a really good year for you - I know it!

bulletholes said...

RDGF- I hadn't really got to a part i have to be brave yet. I don't even have a plan really...but I have some new ideas...

Rick, i started to send you an EMail yesterday, because when I dfo these kinds of posts, i have you in my mind. I sense that your challenges are greater than mine, and I hope the best for you. i've had an easy life, not counting the times i shoot myself in the foot.

Barbara- I love you too, babe!

Souby, i can't really take any credit for where it is I have found myself, because I really don't quite know how I got here. Maybe its because of readers like you guys that have done nothing but encourage me to lat it out there.

Angela, you are so warm are your words always and I can't help but fall into your manner of speech and your soft expressions that you spread in posts and comments.
yes, its so good to find words for feeelings and not keep them hidden, you are so right my new freind.

Minxy, i just want you to know that when you find that very elusive positive place it is much less work than being negative.
Being negative will wear your ass right out.

Dave Mows Grass said...

Whatever you're doing, keep doing it! It looks good on you.

GrizzBabe said...

Here's to another 167 days of sobriety and health. Way to go, Steve.

Mother of Invention said...

Kudos to you, Stevo! You have your diabetes way more controlled than I do and you have twice the will power which will get you through the next year clean and healthy!