Thursday, January 15, 2009

VELLY BAD

During my Hospital stay they did a lot of what they call blood work. Every two hours someone came in and took blood for testing The Voodoo looking lady during the deep-night shift I nicknamed Twilight. She could stick the shit out of you.
There was s dude during the daytime with a hard edgy look to him and he seemed to be an expert at finding veins. It really made me wonder. I called him Spike.

My Dr. was a very nice Indian lady named Dr. Shakeyerbooty. She came to me after the first few rounds of tests and said, in her perfect English grammar coupled with the Hindu inflections:

“Meestair Booletholes….yoor blud….ees thee wrlong color! Ees creemy!”
"Gee Doc, is that bad?“

“Yez, velly,velly bad! Yoor Tlygleeceerlides are 2100! Yoor Kolestearool ees 425! Yoor blud…ees the wrlong Color! Velly bad!”
"Creamy, Huh? I wonder why that is..."


I didn't tell her that the day before they admitted me I had managed to drink a whole gallon of milk.

8 comments:

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

What are you in the hospital for?

MiketheWaiter said...

You know, dude, I hear a lot of vampires hang out at hospitals... did you notice anybody with pointy teeth?
mTw

cornbread hell said...

a whole gallon? in one day?

they might need to check your whoa-there gland.
it may not be functioning properly and can be temporarily reset with a few sharp slaps to the headbone.

laughingattheslut said...

I think that cornbread here has found a cure for diabetes.

If only it were legal for him to admister it....

And if he could get paid for it, he'd be rich too.

Lily said...

*snort* @ corny

bulletholes said...

Hey Waiter- click on the " Label at the bottom of this post and you can read all about it.
mike-Where have you been? Your blog got lost in space for a while it seems.

yeah, cornbread, it was during the symptom days when I was drinking everything I could get my hands on. peein, drinkin, peein' , drinkin'

laffin-I kkep tellin' people I'm cured and they look at me like I'm not.

Lil'- Gesunheit!

e said...

Wow---a whole gallon in one day, is your blood still some shade of cream? That's some dairy orgy!

My life and blog are nowhere as interesting as yours...

You must have a lucky star...

kissyface said...

Did you know that you literally cannot drink a whole gallon of milk in an hour? Your body will reject it. It's a funny thing to bet someone $50 bucks they can't keep it down and see what happens.

I dare you.