Monday, November 10, 2008

400th Post

To celebrate my 400th post I will direct my friends to my pal the Banquet Manager and a little something I did called "If the Banquet Manager Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy" as a Guest Post. (Click Here)
Please do leave him a comment over there so it don't look like nobody don't like me.

And for any of Banqman's friends, here are a few snippets froma few of my posts as a way of introduction. Thanks for stopping by!

Four Jobs jobs I've had, from "The Underacheiver"

1) Ran a Newspaper and Detective Service in the Fifth Grade.

2) Rockhound/Gemologist in the 7th Grade...during 1 Summer my friend Billy and I brought about a Ton of rocks home (1 mile) from the Creek, thinking they were Rare and Precious gemstones. When my dad took us to sell them at a Rock Shop, the man actiually bought some of them for a Dollar, I think out of pity for us.

My friend, Billy, sold his Harley Davidson Franchise last year. He is a Millionaire now, and runs one of those Pimp your Motorcycle shops. In High School, he was the kid with the crappy car, a 63 Dodge Dart with the Mag wheels and a hood scoop it.

3) Delivered Circulars/Handbills to a Dumpster when I was 17.

4) Chef for 24 years.This led to an extraordinary position doing Food Demonstrations at the Local Grocery store, wearing a Bowtie and Blackslacks, trying to sell Fritos, Air Fresheners, and Soy Milk ect..

Except for the Soymilk and all the ladies that lined up to talk to me, it was a real low point.
Almost like being the model for the Logo for a Pizza Box or something.
I quit when they tried to make me wear a Chefs hat.
I was their "Best Guy" and the lady cried like a baby when I quit.

One of the Seven things that make me weird, from "Cuckoo, Cuckoo"
Life= Time,
Time= Space,
Space=The Planets,
Human = Race
I am very good at random thought.
In the second grade we had an exercise where we were to draw lines between objects that matched like a Dog and a Doghouse, a hat and a pair of gloves and a hammer and a nail and a bat and a ball. I had no idea what they wanted me to do.
To the point of tears.
I realize now that there really were no wrong answers.
I can think outside anyone’s box.

Lastly from "Hells Kitchen"
"I was a Chef for almost 25 years. Its a great demands a superior work ethic, an eye for detail, a love for food and people.
You may not be Artistic; I wasn't, but in time you will develop a Visual Style.
Most people do not realize that it is a very physical job. This is why you see more male Professional Chefs than female. You move a lot of 50 pound boxes and 15 gallon pots and a large skillet with product could weigh 20-25 pounds while you are "one arming" it from the stovetop to the prep table.
Try making a 90 Yolk batch of Hollandaise and you will find yourself vigorously whisking for 15 minutes. A 50 gallon batch of Honey-Mustard is made with a 4' Whip in 60 gallon trash can.
Trays and mirrors for Buffets can weigh a couple hundred pounds. A block of Ice for carving weighs 350 pounds.
Piping out 2000 Duchess Potato's from a pastry bag will build some forearms that look like Calf muscles.
The hours are long and the pay average.
There are Waitresses and Barmaids.
You can fall in love with it.
You are never really hungry and you are never really cold.
You have to move your ass, which is wrapped up pretty tight all the time.
Sanitation is at the front of everything you do.
I don't think there was a word one concerning proper food handling techniques on "Hells Kitchen"."

If that is not enough for you, Click here to get to "A Nicer guy" which details the ways I have changed since leaving Foodservice.


petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

Congratulations, Es! Are you taking a breater?
Can always count on some humorous retrospect! Had no idea of the logistics involved. The Food Network should be admonished! Will definitely visit Banqman and say hi! was flying everywhere...

Barbara said...

You're a gem, despite your worthless rocks in the 7th grade. You never fail to put a smile on my face. It's people like you who make me want to keep writing!

soubriquet said...

Rocks is good. As a kid I found some pretty good rocks. Once I found a big rock with diamonds in it. I ruined my dad's chisel trying to dig them out. To his credit, he did not take my head off with one sweep of a large hand, when I explained about the diamonds. But he did tell me about the relatively zero value of quartz.
Still, If ever the value of quartz as a gemstone goes up, I know where the rock is.

bulletholes said...

pie! No breather, i'm just getting started! Actually, i have a feeling that i'm due for break, but i'd like to try to just write my way thru periods of non-creativity. Its noot like i'm throwin' masterpieces up anyay, ya know!

barbara- I still have a few of those rocks, can you beleive it?

Souby- Thats a great story, 'bout the Diamonds and Chisels!
Reminds me of the day I threw granpas' Grinding Wheel down the well.

banquet manager said...

Writing a blog is good for 2 things; getting my work-related frustrations off my chest and meeting great folks like you and your readers. They left some great comments, as you always do. I had a chance to visit their blogs also, some very good stuff too.
Thanks again for your post...until next time.
So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager

Dave Mows Grass said...

Congrats on 400! I just hit my two years today. Your "A Nicer Guy" post is one of my favorites.

Anonymous said...

It's Like Deja Vu all over again ...
The detective & publishing business, rock hounding, etc.

When I went to a locale buffet/cafeteria and asked the manager if he had anything needing to be welded, he said, "Stainless Steel pots, pans and bowls. The cooks and dishwashers have feuds from time to time. They came in with pistols and shot up the place. Now I have a bunch of expensive cookware with holes in it.
I have been wondering until it the connection finally surfaced, "Why is Bulletholes a appropriate name for a culinary artist?"
The Kitchen ... a high stress place.
Quack, Quack!

bulletholes said...

Banqman- I got some good friends here...i hope over time that you find more to celebrate and less to feel frustration about.

Davy! yeah, Nicer guy was something I figured out from blogging. I should put it on my favorites.
Duckman/Rod- i appreciate your comment you left over was really quite coherent!

Oh, souby and pie too! Thanks for leaving Banqman a little something!

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