Wednesday, November 12, 2008



Purcell looked up the three flights of ladders that led to his perch. It was like the worlds biggest Deer Stand, 30 feet up from the blacktop, and situated smack dab in the center of the Drivers Ed Course. From here he could keep an eye on the 15 year old Hoodlums that were learning to drive in his program. Years ago, he felt like he was doing the Community a real service. These days he didn’t know.
Something had changed.
The kids were different, that was for sure. The kids today had changed everything. They had changed in the way they acted, especially towards any authority. They acted so oppressed, like the National Guard had been to their School, fired M-16's into their mob, cut their classmates down, hit their heads with nightsticks and blinded their eyes with tear-gas.
None of that had happened to these kids, so why did they act that way?

When he reached the top and settled in to his chair, he put out the Green Flag indicating the course was open. He fired up the radio with which he could communicate with each car. There was always some joker out there that thought they could get away with something, like smoking a cigarette, or worse, fire up a Reefer, and the CB Radio was there to let the kids know Purcell was on top.
“On top, darn right I’m on top, I’m more on top than that gook sniper that took out my best buddy in the ‘Nam” Purcell thought to himself.
Then he reached into his pocket, pulled out the little silver flask.

Looked like it was gong to be a long morning.

With his Binoculars, he could see Bulletholes up on the hill, right on that blind corner of the building where the gooks, I mean, the Kids, could get away with murder.
Bulletholes! That kid was too sharp to be a slacker, but that’s what he was allright. And now, he and that new kid, blacker than the Ace of Spades, are smokin’ on campus. And it ain’t cigarettes either. There goes the neighborhood.

Whoa! Whats this? Theres Cross-eyed Myra, always lookin' for some trouble. She's found it with those two!
That slut.
Purcell licked his lips and refocused his binoculars for a better look and muttered to himself:
"Every boy in school must be bangin’ that. Every boy but me. What are they lookin at?
Oh shit… Fightin’ Joe and Tiny. Shit, they’re headed this way.
Whats this?
Car 17? Thats Perk, Hogshead and Buck!
They’re pullin’ Perk Perkins out of MY car!"

Purcell took a quick swig from his flask and reached for the Red flag that signalled "All Stop".

(Radio Static)
“Perk, you get that car under control or your ass is grass!
"Perk, I want your butt back into that drivers seat now!"
Hogshead, can you hear me? I want you to make Fightin Joe leave Perk alone, and if you can’t do that I order you to gain control of that vehicle!”
(More Radio static)

Purcell gulped hard as he watched Fightin’ Joe wrestle Perk the rest of the way out of the drivers seat. He saw Buck Boopman exit from the rear passenger side door and run for his life. He saw Hogshead exit the passenger seat, go ‘round the rear of the vehicle and try to peel Perk away from Joe.
The whole time, Car 17 was idling along in a slow wide arc, driver-less, but still in gear. But all eyes were on the hand-to-hand combat taking place on turn #3 of Purcells beloved Drivers Ed course.

It looked like Joe was about to remove Perks head, and Perks upper left arm was bent in a most unnatural way having been both broken and dislocated from his shoulder while being extracted from the vehicle. Why Joe went after Perk the driver instead of Buck in the backseat has been a subject of much conjecture for many years now.
Blind rage coupled with mistaken identity seems as likely an answer as any.
Maybe it was just Perks lucky day.
It was only during the investigation the next week that Buck's affair with  Joe's girl Betsye that it came to light.

But now, Purcell could only watch in confused amazement from his Tower..
Joe saw Hogshead approaching from the rear of the car right before he got there..
Hogshead was a big ol boy, but a peaceful, slow-movin' kind of guy, no match for fightin' Joe.
Joe let Perk go and Perk sat there, holding his arm and trying to keep Tiny from pummeling him more with those little fist of his.
Joe squared off and met Hogshead head on with a straight right that would have sunk a battleship. In his Binoculars, Purcell could see Hogsheads face flatten, and his ears bulge out. Hogshead sank to his knees and kissed the asphalt.

The fight was over, but Purcell felt a hole in his middle. He could taste the coppery flavor of some impending doom.
What was it?
What was that sound?
What was this screeching, crunching, scraping, noise?
And why was his tower leaning now as he watched the parking lot get closer and closer to his window?

Purcells day seemed to have gotten significantly shorter.



Anonymous said...

heehee that out of control car bumped into the tower!! heehee

Good grief!! I can't catch my breath from laughing!! poor purcell!! TIna

bulletholes said...

Hey thanks Munchkin!
I don't know that its that funny, but it was fun to write!
purcell was never the same after that, and the Drivers Ed Program scrapped.
They recycled the tower into a swingset at the elementary school.

Anonymous said...

OK it took me long enough to read this but IT WAS GREAT! I could see the whole thing as if I were there!