Wednesday, November 19, 2008

HEY, IT COULD HAPPEN

In addition to going to NA, I am in a program with 5 other people designed by the Court to rehabilitate the addict and get the offence completely off the record.
They will burn my file.
There is a girl in my group of 5 and I think I’m in love. Do you believe in love at first sight? She had the rosiest cheeks I ever did see and the slyest little grin and she’s really friendly like me.
The counselor was going over all the things we can’t do.
The list is huge.

Of course we can’t smoke any dope, or snort any substances, but we can’t take Tylenol PM either.
If anyone is on any prescribed medication like anti--depressants or pain pills, they can’t be in this program
If you are being treated for ADD then you have to find a different program.
And if we should come down with a cough, we can’t have any cough syrup. If I was to come down with the double pneumonia, I can’t even suck a Ludens Cough drop.
If anyone is on any prescribed medication like antidepressants or pain pills, they can’t be in this program.
And when I go out to eat, I can’t have no beer with my Fajita’s Grande, or have the Salmon poached in the White Wine Court Bouillon either.
And I got to be home at 10:00 every night for my “crib-check”, they are going to call and make sure I am too.
Twice a week I am screened for substance abuse with a machine that examines my eyes.
When I pass, I have taken to throwing my arms in the air like a football umpire and shouting 'He Scores" or "Its good" or something.

So after he went down this whole long list of everything we can’t do I just couldn't’t help it.
I raised my hand.
“Yes Steve”he says ‘You have a question?”
Well I knew I wasn’t supposed to ask no question like this so my voice kind of cracked, and my usual big booming voice was greatly diminished
Yessir” says I “ummm…is…is it OK if we have Sex?”

Yeah, like thats gonna happen!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

No antidepressants? That's messed up. It's that kind of stuff that has always made the recovery movement a dicey proposition for anyone with a bona fide mental health issue. I knew a guy whose "sponsor" told him to lay off his psych meds. This went okay until med-less guy showed up at a meeting with a shotgun and threatened to shoot said sponsor. Personally, I think shotgun guy did the right thing.

Keep up the fight Steve!

UF Mike

leslie said...

No vanilla extract, no mouthwash, no cologne. No magic markers, no white out, no nail polish remover.

But you can drink coffee until your whoseewhatsis jitters, and smoke ciggies until your lungs implode.

I don't know about the sex, Bullets. Sounds like too much fun.

That being the case, you probably shouldn't...

Dave Mows Grass said...

You blog real! That takes courage.

laughingattheslut said...

I remember that Grace Lee Whitney was all into AA, and that she couldn't take cough drops and such unless they were some special kind that was guaranteed to contain no alcohol and such.


This whole recovery thing must make special problems for chefs and cooks and such that I had not considered before.

red dirt mule said...

ummmmm.....when i went to my first Sex Addicts meeting, i was told i couldn't have sex ... not even the ummm, errr ... alone by myself in the shower kind.

i heard some real interesting stories that night.

but i never went back. i'm sure you understand why. it was the none in the shower rule that drove me away ...

xx
red

Anonymous said...

None in the shower? I thought that was the whole point of the shower.

UF Mike

bulletholes said...

Mike, the court part of the program is a deal thats not for everyone, the requiremnts are real "stiff" (easy does it RDM)
and I've run into few folks down there I'd like to personally shoot myself!

Lesley, yeah, all that stuff is a dealbreaker. I'll keep you up to date on the other...

Dave, there goes my Presidential bid. Really, its a bit stupid to put this stuff up, but I was runnin' out of shit, and theres worse stuff I've done. And a bit theraputic. Just don't tell mom!

Laughin- I'm not a chef anymore, and alcohol never had much appeal to me, but at On the Border last week I sure wanted a Dos XX's with my fajitas and not being able to just made it worse.

RDM, I get a shakedown in the shower most everyday. You should see my Showerhead! 4 Speed, Turbo w/ the Multi attachment package and self-soap, fliate and nmoisturizing.
Like something out of a seinfeld episode.

Mike, you have bring your own towel.

red dirt mule said...

cowboy,

just nice steady water pressure .... maybe a little bit of soap ..... a great imagination !!

another pair of hands ALWAYS makes the shower a fun place to hang out in ....

yeah, mike - i had the same thought! well, that and washing my mane and tail.

no towel needed here .... snicker.

xx
rdm

GrizzBabe said...

You never know. Maybe you'll get lucky with Rosey Cheeks!