Wednesday, March 18, 2009


She's been on her feet nearly half the damn night
Bringing you beverage and your late night bite
She remains cheerful when you're nasty and tight
Makes change for a fifty in dim candlelight.
Ignoring your groping hoping you might
Come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight.
Tip that waitress.

Shes getting her masters supporting her mom
Amidst the confusion she remains cool and calm
She knows exits in case of a fire or bomb
She knows all the words to the 23rd psalm
She handles her tray with panache and aplomb
Her brothers a Quaker, her dad was in
Tip that waitress.

Tip that waitress,
She’s been waiting on you
Skip the small change,
Slap down a dollar or two.

Her arches are aching, her lower backs shot
Her varicose vein hurts like hell when its hot
Her uniform's too tight, tasteful its not
She knows the specials and they are not a lot.
The cook is on Qualudes the bus boy deals pot
If she had a real job she'd quit on the spot
So tip that waitress.

This plea for gratuity's gone on way too long,
Theres a time and a place where them things belong
The stage ain't a soap box, this is only a song,
To dwell on the matter much more would be wrong.
And people get by, she'll get along
But I think she gets off when I come on
Stro--ooo-ooo- ong
So tip that waitress.

Tip that waitress,
She's been waiting on you.
Skip the small change,
Slap down a fiver or two.

Tip that waitress.
loudon wainwright III

For my Foodservice friends


banquet manager said...


That was wonderful, thanks for posting it.

bulletholes said...

Its a pretty good song...I thought my Food Buddies would like it but I post so quickly sometimes that it will be buried quick enough...
and what has happened to Mike the Waiter?

If you ever want to post it, i'd be flattered to have found it for you...and more food people would see it and enjoy it at your place thqan at mine...

Hi Banqman!

Waiter Extraordinaire said...

Bulletholes...just finished humming this song. I like it a lot and says volumes for remembering us service people when it comes time to tip. I haven't heard from Mike either. I will twitter him.