Dad used to ask me a question when we would be driving to a fishing trip, or when we might be discussing my future.
He would ask"Would you rather be a big fish in a little pond, or a little fish in a big pond?" and we would discuss the pros and cons of each.
As time went on my answer evolved into "I'd like to be just a medium fish in a medium pond" but I don't think I ever quite told him so.
Another thing Dad used to say was "A place for everything, and everything in its place." He usually said that after finding a tool I had left rusting outside somewhere.
When it started to rain, if we were in the car, he would always very tersely say:
'Um-Ummm, these streets are slicker than snot on glass...Ummm.Ummm...GOLLY!
Other things Dad said:
"You are judged by the company you keep"
"Sometimes you have a little luck, sometimes you got none at all"
"Everything I touch turns to wood"
"Best thing about telling the truth is you never have to remember what you said"
(slowing the boat to stop and fish) "Well, this spot looks as bad as any"
Man, some mornings I wake up and its just too good to be true. The whole world smells good, every breath seems sweet and its just so great to be a human being. I start singin’ some crazy song at the top of my lungs, it was “Rhinestone Cowboy” today, while I decide that I’m going to have an Egg Sandwich at the Subway on my way to work.
My High School kissin' buddy, Lisa!
She was a Rock Star...and she sure could kiss!
She always talked so cool.
Click here to read all about her.
And I used to be skinny!
Here I am, promising Lisa the Ocean, and pointing out where the Submarine Races will take place later!
Thanks to Julie for these pics!
The three of us met in a Journalism class and became fast friends, and a center for an extended group of good friends that year. This last year has seen several old paths converge once again. I had not heard anything about Julie for 32 years until last week. iIts always good to hear old friends are doing well, especially when they have dimples like Julie's.
Julie finished just about every sentence with a "Man". Like she would say
"I don't know who the strange dog is, man."
I always liked the cool way she said 'Man" and she even says it in her EMail's, man.
Hi Julie!
Man, this reminds me of Valentines Day 1970.
(click here)
Seventh grade, in love with the mousey straighthaired girl across the street, Jeri was her name, and she was a bit bucktoothed and her ears stuck out the sides of her hair.
I loved those ears!
And she really wasn't bucktoothed exactly.
As I see her in my minds eye, as I am sure you are doing now, she was "over-toothed"...that is to say that her two front teeth were a bit out of proportion, giving her a kind of Bugs Bunny look that drove me wild.
Anyway, the day before Valentines Day I told my best friend Billy that I was going to ask her to "go steady" on Valentines Day, and Valentines Day morning I went to the Student Council stand to put down my $1 and send her a Valentines Telegram, a "Love-O-Gram", in which I intended to declare my undying love and devotion to her.
Anonymously of course.
She was in three of my classes that day, plus lunch, and I watched her as she got the telegram. I saw her show it to her friend Vicki. I watched as it was passed around to all her girl-pals at the lunch table.
I was terrified, making sure I did not watch too closely, lest I be found out.
I am glad that I have no recolllection of what was in my Love-O-Gram or I would be tempted to divulge what my seventh grade mind would have written.
Anyway, she had no idea it was me, because I was a real squirrel back then, carrying a trombone with me everywhere I went and forever waxing about the Chess Club and stuff.
Several times that day I nearly summoned the courage to ask Jeri to go steady, but in the face of those ears and teeth I always chickened out.
Jeri lived across the street from me, we rode the same bus home and we got out together, just the two of us. Having lacked the courage throughout the day, it was now my intention to pop the question after we got off the bus.
Do or die.
Hammer-time.
We were standing there as the bus pulled away.
She had a funny look on her face as I toed the ground and studied my shoetops and cleared my throat. but before I could speak I hear her say through the ringing in my ears:
"Steve, can I ask you something?'
"Sure"
"Billy told me you were going to ask me to go steady today. Is that true?"
WHOA! You could have knocked me over with a feather!
Of course I completely and categorically denied it. If Billy had not been twice my size, I'd have kicked his ass the next day.
Jeri lived across the street from me till we graduated High School.
We seldom talked after that, but five years later, on the night of Graduation, I told her that my intention had been to ask her to "Go Steady" that day, and that it was me that had sent the Love-O-Gram.
"I know, and I still have it" was all she said and laughing gave me a kiss on the cheek.
She had gotten braces or else her face had caught up with her mouth. She no longer had that Bugs Bunny look and her ears no longer showed through her once-thin-and-mousey but now stylishly-permed-frosted-blonde-hair.
That is to say her charms were quite faded in my eyes.
Still, I'll never forget that kiss.
"Let the lover be disgraceful, crazy, absent-minded.
Someone sober will worry about events going badly.
Let the lover be."
Rumi
from "leaves of grass"
I see over my own continent the Pacific Railroad, surmounting every barrier;
I see continual trains of cars winding along the Platte, carrying freight and passengers;
I hear the locomotives rushing and roaring, and the shrill steam-whistle,
I hear the echoes reverberate through the grandest scenery in the world;
I cross the Laramie plains—I note the rocks in grotesque shapes—the buttes
I see the plentiful larkspur and wild onions—the barren, colorless, sage-deserts;
I see in glimpses afar, or towering immediately above me, the great mountains—
I see the Wind River and the Wahsatch mountains;
I see the Monument mountain and the Eagle’s Nest
I pass the Promontory—I ascend the Nevadas;
I scan the noble Elk mountain, and wind around its base;
I see the Humboldt range—I thread the valley and cross the river,
I see the clear waters of Lake Tahoe—I see forests of majestic pines,
Or, crossing the great desert, the alkaline plains, I behold enchanting mirages of waters and meadows;
Marking through these, and after all, in duplicate slender lines,
Bridging the three or four thousand miles of land travel,
Tying the Eastern to the Western sea,
The road between Europe and Asia.
Walt Whitman
Two guys rockin' on the porch.
Hours pass, not a word between them.
Finally, one of them asks:
"What day is it?"
"Tuesday"
A long minute goes by...
"Hmmm....I keep thinkin' its Wednesday"
Thats how my brain feels today.
Antbed on a Golf Course.
Ball lands on it.
Man comes and hits the ball, messes up the antbed.
Ants come out and fix the Antbed.
Ball lands on antbed.
Man hits the ball, messes up antbed.
Ants come out and fix antbed.
Ball lands on antbed.
Man hits the ball, messes up antbed.
Ants come out and fix antbed.
Ball lands on antbed.
Man hits the ball, messes up antbed.
Ants come out.
One of them says
'We need to get something on the ball here."
Thats how my head feels today.
Baby bird falls out of his nest.
Can't fly, can only peep, which draws the attention of a thick black cat.
Cat crouches in the bushes, ready to strike.
Baby bird peeps.
Baby bird stumbling peeping towards the bushes.
Baby bird, wings no work.
Cat flexes, creeping, ready set...
Dog barks, chases cat up lightpole, continues barking until kindly owner, annoyed, comes to put him back in house.
Kind owner hears, sees baby bird, smiles, and puts him in tree.
Mama bird breathes sigh of relief.
Now, how to get baby back to nest.
This is how my heart feels today.
Well, I have been without a car for 4 of the last 5 years.
Sometiomes I wonder how I've done it and I'm not too good at sayin' it and I'm not sure how much of it I believe...but...
Someone has been watching over me.
So last week I bought a pick-up truck.
Its a 1975 Chevy Cheyenne, rebuilt Motor and Transnmission, two gas tanks, new battery,new tires and re-done interior. Even has a wire rack to put your cowboy hat on.
I'm thinkin' about turnin' cowboy on ya.
I have pictures and will post them later this week.
For now I just want to say that in the first week I had this truck I have managed to leave the lights on and run the battery down TWICE.
It doesn't end there.
Even with two 15 gallon gas tanks on board, I managed to run out of gas!
And right now as we speak I have two spare tires on board, but NO LUG WRENCH!
TWO SPARES AND NO LUG WRENCH!
Ain't that just like an Addict?
Cars are such a pain in the ass.
“When I came to this group I knew that finding a “Higher Power” would be part of the program.
I wondered how you guys would sell this to me, an unbeliever.
Because to me, God, even one of my own understanding, is a slippery thing, hard to grasp and harder to hold. Like soap in the shower, where you try to hold it but it slips from your hands. It slides around the bottom of the shower, you pick it up, and no matter how hard you squeeze, it slips out again for you to retrieve.
I do not yet have a grasp on this God, but I have found that the more I chase the soap around, the cleaner I seem to get.”
BULLETHOLES
Of all the West's natural wonders, none surpassed the huge herds of buffalo that blanketed the Plains -- perhaps once as many as 30 million of them. They had frightened Coronado's horses by their smell, and astonished Lewis and Clark by their sheer numbers. One wagon train of pioneers was blocked for hours by a herd three miles wide and ten miles long. But for the native peoples of the Plains, they represented existence itself.
Mentally, they are keen-witted and practical more often than intellectual, and are probablythe most resourceful person in the room. When they are not being quiet they are making a lot of noise. There is no in-between. They love to laugh, eat, smoke and screw. Their character is generally dependable, steadfast, prudent, just, firm and unshaken in the face of difficulties. Their many vices arise from their manyvirtues. Excess is the name of the game...thats why they make such great lovers.
"Which one of you girls wants me to hold you?" Yes, it is as Annie says, you can see The Alzheimers Project online. (click here)
But if you do, be sure to check out the HBO Alzheimers Project.
My friend Annie and her mother (click here) play a part in this film.
If you have been coming by here for long, you know that Alzheimers is a subject dear to my heart, having watched my Dad suffer from "early onset" at the age of 58.
Its a Four Part series...(click here)
"On May 10, 11 and 12, tune into HBO's "THE ALZHEIMER'S PROJECT" to take a look at the faces behind the disease - and the forces leading us to find a cure. This multi-platform series reveals groundbreaking Alzheimer discoveries and the effects this debilitating and fatal disease has on those with Alzheimer's and their families."
I assume that it will air several times in the coming weeks, if HBO is anything like what it used to be.
Here is a link to Art as done by Annies mother. (click here)
She has a talent for arranging everyday items in a delightful way.
She has a real visual style.
Seeing this Art reminds me of Dad. He might not recognize his family, or be able to open a door, or even put his slippers on, but he held onto his sense of humor and his ability to tell a story the whole way through the disease.
Reprinted from Annie without permission;
Annies Mothers Art 
UNTITLED- RED BERET, CANDY BOX AND CANDY
As done by Johnny Cash
"think of the saddest thought you can possibly think of, the saddest thing in the world, then look into the eyes of a dog, and he's is feeling that right now. You can see all the sadness in the world in the eyes of a dog"
george carlin
I was riding my bike in to work this morning. I bought a truck last week, but I rode the bike in this morning, for old times sake, and it's a good thing to do now and again.
But that's not what this post is about.
This post is about the dog I saw on the side of the road. He was dead, struck by a car in the night I suppose. It was a Short-haired Pointer, with red ears and a white coat, and a pointy tail that stuck out at an obscene un-natural angle this morning. He had not been a beautiful dog, even with those red ears, but being a dog he was by nature, beautiful.
As I passed by him I could almost see his life as it must have passed...a puppy with that new puppy smell, falling over those floppy red ears, bounding and stumbling his way to his water dish, only to spill water everywhere.
Then learning to play with some little boy somewhere, running after balls and sticks in a constant springtime, and being told not to jump on people, licking faces laughing in the sun.
Later in the summer, laying and panting in the shade, ears pricked for that certain sound of a certain motor pulling into a certain driveway, and running to the fence, towards the scent long awaited, tail wagging so hard his head moves in opposition, like a counterbalance to such a complete joy that remains unknown to a mere human.
Then in the fall, when footballs and hunting gear come out, and the musty smoky smell of drying leaves and November in the air; maybe he was a hunter, perhaps he was a warm spot on a couch for a nice woman who chilled easily. Maybe he was just a good tackler, chasing the boys of the neighborhood at play, wishing he could throw the ball instead of just stealing it, clasped in his teeth like a prize pheasant. Whatever he was, he was eager to do his red earred part.
I couldn't help but think all this as I passed by this animal. I thought somewhere there is a boy missing this dog, or a girl, or even a man somewhere that has lost his best friend. They likely don't even know it yet, and are still expecting a familiar scratch at the door, or to see him back in the backyard, chasing squirrels or sleeping on top of his doghouse in his ignorant blissful doggie way.
And it occurred to me that if there is a Doggie Heaven, that it must be some kind of place! Can you imagine?
Ear-scratchin', belly-rubbing, pettin' lovin' touchin'.
Barking, licking, jumping, pawing and panting going on all the live long day!
It all seemed so poignant an hour ago. Now these thoughts just seem a little silly having written them, but do you know what remains?
This is what remains:
It is a very good thing to ride your bike in to work, now and again.
Addendum: A friend of mine saw this post the next day. She called the pound and found who the owner was. She then contacted the owner, a little handicapped lady, and shared my story with her. It seems the dog was her companion, and named "Birdie". My friend said she and the lady had a wonderful cry over the phone.
It is a good thing to do, riding your bike to work now and then.
I went to the Pharmacy yesterday and the girl there remembered my name.
She says "Are you picking up, Mr Bulletholes?'
and I said yes, and expressed my astonishment that she knew my name!
The grey haired pharmacist says 'You are one of our favorite customers, Mr Bulletholes!" and the other assistant looks at me and nods her head and smiles.
I think to myself
"What did I do?'
I mean., I'm not in there that much or anything, twice a month, I'm just a regular guy picking up a few prescriptions for the last 4 months...
So I ask everybody there if they know any Pharmacy Jokes.
They all frown and shake their head no. They don't know any Pharmacy jokes.
So I say 'Ya'll ought to make one up!"
and the old man behind the counter looks over the top of his Pharmacist glasses and says
"Like what?"
"Welllllll.....like maybe" I say "like maybe...A pig walks into a Pharmacy and asks "Do you have anything for the flu?"'
Man, its not funny, but the whole place just cracks up, including the lady behind me in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank. They had to fix her Oxygen she was crackin' up so bad.
I still can't figure how come they know me so well down there.
Shari (click here) was the Pastry Chef at the Hyatt I used to work at. A good portion of her energy was spent trying to keep me out of her sweets. She had an entire walk-in Cooler that was filled with Pastry Creams, Cheesecakes, Petit-Fours, and ingredients like you have never heard of.
When Shari wasn't looking, I would sneak into her cooler and gorge on Truffles and Tartlets.
Some times, if she had nothing tempting already prepared, I would take some of her leftover Cake tops and smear them with whipped cream she kept in a big bucket. That drove her more nuts than if I'd actually managed to snag something good, like an Eclair or a Cream Horn.
Sometimes after sneaking in to the cooler and feasting, I would slowly open the door to try and "duck-out", but she would be standing right there, her arms crossed with that bad look on her face.
I would say innocently
"Oh there you are, I was looking for you"
and she would say
"You were not, you were in there eating my pastries"
and I'd look all shocked and say
"B-B-B-but..."
and she'd say
'You have Chocolate crumbs and whipped cream all over your face"
"Do I really? Huh, I wonder where that came from" and I'd wipe my face with my sleeve.
She would shake her head and say
"You are such a Squirrel"
She also had a lock box where she kept various Liquours and Special Garnishes like Chocolate with Gold filigree, and Petrified Bee Pollen and stuff like that.
There was an item in that box I couldn't stay away from and if I ever found it unlocked I was likely to eat all of them
The item was Crystallized Violets. They were sugar coated and hard and Purple and they had a lovely floral bouquet. I got a hold of them one day and I don't remember how many I ate but it didn't take long for Shari to come looking and find me.
"You frickin' Squirrel, did you eat all my Crystal Violets?"
"Hmmm?"
"You heard me...you ate all my violets!"
She's really mad.
"No Shari, I didn't eat all your Violets. I haven't even been over there."
And she hits me with a pretty tough question
"Then why are your lips all purple?"
Shit!
Busted!
Well maybe not quite, after all I am pretty quick on my feet, and I am a Chef...
I gave her my best smile and phrased it more as a question than a statement
"Would you believe... Beets?"
Her shoulders slumped and she couldn't help but laugh and say
"There is something seriously wrong with you, buddy."
I'll always remeber Shari for the boxes of leftover Pastries she would send home to my mother, leftovers from the Sunday Brunch, during the last years of Moms life. Shari would pack that box with all the care in the world, and when I walked in the door at home Moms eyes would just light up like Sapphires.
Thanks Shari!
If you had told me 287 days ago that I would not do any drugs for 287 days, I would have asked
"Why not?"
To the tune of "The Pusher" (click there) by Steppenwolf
THE BAKERMAN by bulletholes 10/1/2008
You know I smoked a lotta’ Perch,
Oh Lord
You know I mopped a lotta’ spills
But I never Poached nuthin’, nooo,
That would have been better Grilled
You know I seen a lotta’ people walkin’ round
With Pate’ a Choux in their eyes
But the Baker don’t care, if they live or if they die
Got dang, the Baker
I said got dang the Baker
Got dang, got dang, the Bakerman
You know the Pastry Chef is a man
With the Love Dough in his hand
He’s got Eclairs an' Tarts an' Pastries
Good God, he’s not a Protein man
Aww, The Baker for a nickel
Lord, will sell you lots of Sweet Creams
You’ll get the Body Fat
And the Dia-bee-tees
There'll be Croquembouche
and Confection Sugar
When you Sneeze
I said, Got dang, the Bakerman...
Well now if I were the Manager of this Hotel
You know I’d report the Bakerman
Immediately to “Personnel”
I’d truss him if he stands and
I’d roux him if he runs
I’d kill him with my Butchers mallet,
I'd Saute’ him till he’s done…
I said Got Dang, the Bakerman
CLICK PICS TO ENLARGE
That is not a bald spot.
Have you ever heard of a Croquembouche?MAYFEST CANCELLED!
