Thursday, February 12, 2009


I told ya’ll about my son the Rip last month. He has been living on a Sofa at his mothers house for the last 8 months or so. He has been doing well since deciding that he would go ahead and cave in to the “Corporate American Bullshit” as he called it, and get a job. He has had that same job for almost 6 months now and it’s a pretty good job for a punk-ass kid like him. He has a car and everything, and surprisingly, he has not wrecked it, or tore it up, or painted it some kind of Psychedelic color or anything.
He hasn’t gotten busted for dope or alcohol so you might think things are well with him.

Anyway, I told you last month he had gotten himself a girlfriend.
And his mother had called me, concerned about everything they were doing on her couch all night long, and how her husband wasn’t too happy with that arrangement, and how the Rip was gonna have to find another place to get his freak on. And I told you that I had made them a little place in my spare bedroom where they could come every now and then and play “House.”

Well, it only lasted about two weeks. They stopped coming over.
So I asked the Rip what happened to Maddie, that cute little girlfriend of his.
He says “Oh, that’s done”
“Done?’ I ask ‘Whats that mean, “done””
“Done” is his one word answer.
So I say:
“Don’t just say “done” boy, like you are ordering up a steak, or finishing up a deadline. Say “Oh, that didn’t work out” , or “we split up” or “she broke my heart”. Give it the respect it deserves”
Of course he doesn’t get it.

So I talk to his mom the next week. She says she asked him what happened.
He told her that “She was too much like you, Mom”
‘Whats that mean?” she asks.
“Oh, she wanted to know everything all the time like where I was and who I was with and what I’m doing tomorrow. I couldn’t take it anymore. I need my man time”
I just cracked up.
I said “yeah, he will find out that "man time" is way over-rated”

So his mom goes on to tell me about all the text messages he gets from girls. Some are pretty bawdy. So I tell her
“You know that kid is hung like nobodies business”
She smiles and says “He won’t let me see”
I say “He won’t let me either, but I saw him a while back getting out of the shower. Good God-A-Mighty!
Theres a pause and she says slyly
“He gets it from you, you know”
I shake my head
“No, you haven’t seen this kid. Its unbelievable!”
and we both crack up.

Very strange to be able to have a conversation like this with an Ex-Wife!


Anonymous said...

Hey that is one subject you will always have in common is your boy. Good you can still communicate like that together over someone so important. Nice.

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

hahaha, hilarious! I agree with Waiter Extraordinaire!

Water Baby said...


e said...

Great that you can still share a laugh and conversation with your ex, Bullet. That speaks volumes for both of you.

As for "Man Time," it might take Rip a while to notice, but you're right. He'll grow up, though. I laughed on this one, too.

You could write a book!!!

Lily said...

Poor boy, still it could be worse, his dad could be telling the world he's hung like cricket.

leslie said...

Did anybody else notice that Bullets went all around the barn to get to the part where he gets to brag about his "package deal"?

bulletholes said...

Thanks Mike and Pet!

WB-Yeah, he dfid for about a month I think.

e- He'll fall in love and get his ass kicked one day and lose that little attitude...I hope.

lily- I did this post especially for you....I did see your Spartacus comment!

Leslie_ After almost 500 posts i have kept from getting tacky on at least 100 of them.
Allow me this.
Just don't let XMrs. Bulletholes see it.

GrizzBabe said...

Love this story!

“Don’t just say “done” boy, like you are ordering up a steak, or finishing up a deadline. Say “Oh, that didn’t work out” , or “we split up” or “she broke my heart”. Give it the respect it deserves”

Excellent advice.

Now I see why the Sister's of Mercy love you so much! ;)