Thursday, September 11, 2008


Today in the fish eye lens that seems to have become my life, where mice in the attic sound like Elephants stomping, and the Vanilla Malt from Sonic seems to warrant writing about, and the lyrics to 'Fly like an Eagle" seem to offer a real solution to world peace I find myself compelled to study the Pig.

They say that a pig can be used to dispose of a body, and not so much as a DNA sample will be left behind. Hannibal Lecter was almost eaten by pigs, but its tough to beat Hannibal Lecter and he ended up feeding his attackers to pigs instead. Then he fed Gary Oldham to an Eel, then he and Julianne Moore ate Ray Liottas Brain which is pretty good work if you can get it but we are here to talk about pigs.

In a fight between a Pig and a Pit Bull, I'd have to go with the Pig.

I have a friend who collected pigs for years. She now has 9,647 pigs and people keep sending her more because they know she collects them. The thing is she stopped collecting them 3 years ago.
She hates pigs now, but what are you gonna do?

We used to call Policemen Pigs.
There are lots of names for policemen.
Now they call them the Po-Po.
That's seems to be the newest name for police, but its not new at all because that's what I called them when I was learning to talk

I know two quotations about Pigs.
One of them went "Its the Pigs caught in the fence that squeals" and just might turn out to be really prophetic if things keep going the way they are going.
I don't know who said it, but i expect to be hearing it again any day now.
Don't forget you heard it here first.

The next one is 'There are too many pigs for the Tits" and I know who said this one.
It was Abraham Lincoln and its a good thing he's not around to say something like that today or else he'd be in as much trouble as I usually am.
I wish he were still around.

I have been hearing a third one the last few days about a pig wearing lipstick.
Thats some real hardball stuff there.
In the fish eye lens that has become my life I find it pretty innocuous, lame and less offensive than a Hockey Mom.

This is not the first election to feature a pig for a candidate. Anyone remember Pigasus, from 1968?

Of course one of the most revealing things I ever heard about Pigs was in a Beatles Song. In the 6th Grade this song was stunning, it was shocking and the Harpsichord blew my stoned little piggy mind:

Have you seen the little piggies
Crawling in the dirt
And for all the little piggies
Life is getting worse
Always having dirt to play around in.

Have you seen the bigger piggies
In their starched white shirts
You will find the bigger piggies
Stirring up the dirt
Always have clean shirts to play around in.

In their sties with all their backing
They don't care what goes on around
In their eyes there's something lacking
What they need's a damn good whacking.

Everywhere there's lots of piggies
Living piggy lives
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.


Dave Mows Grass said...

This is great, Steve! I've been getting great mileage out of the, "You can put lipstick on a ....., but it's still a ......" line. Like, "You can put lipstick on a tired metaphor but it's still a tired metaphor." Not in this case, of course. Your fisheye lens metaphor is pure genius!

Barbara said...

If everyone could just lighten up and stop looking for something to pick on the other guy about, we might get to hear where these candidates stand on the issues instead of on each other. Somebody needs to give them a time out!

kissyface said...

How funny, I posted about pigs today, too.

bulletholes said...


Barb- its all style and no sucstance.

KissyF-I just came from your place and *WOW* you blow me away!

leslie said...

I keep on hummin' the Country Joe and the Fish know...
the one about "whoopee we're all gonna die".

I remember Pigasus, and I Stole Abby Hoffman's Book from a friend's bookshelf.